Friday, February 17, 2006

Nerve Personals: Rumsfeld

"How many licks does it take?"

74 year old man in Chicago, IL, USA

Occupation: US Secretary of D-Fence
Looking for: my car keys
Ethnicity: Warlock
Education: Georgetown Law Class of 1957 Dropouts
Languages: English, Klingon
Cigarettes: Nicotrol inhaler
Alcohol: Jager & Human Plasma on the rocks
Drugs: Darvon, Darvocet, Librium, Vicodin, Hydrocodone, Demerol, Phenergan, Oxycodone, Percodan, Valium, Morphine, Opium (smoked), Opium (chewed), Opium (injected), Thorazine, Haldol, Welbutrin, prescription PCP, Methadone
Body Art: Undress me and find out!

My Most Humbling Moment: When Dwight Eisenhower called me "smelly."
If I Had a Million Dollars: get my penis de-fossilized
Five Items I Can't Live Without: cluster bombs, napalm, double cluster bombs, additional napalm, shackles, sharp things (woops that was six)
In My Bedroom You Will Find: ice picks I've been meaning to throw in the river, a few ice picks I'm restoring, unfinished novel, Guantanamo Bay Spring Break T-Shirt, like, a million stuffed animals, thumbscrews, torture chair with spikes, "The Pear" device, abattoir nook, ice pick sharpener
Why You Should Get to Know Me: I love life! But only American life. Journalists are always telling me how funny I am and I can be very gentle and romantic once I get to stab you. I love to laugh and I love fun! I can get totally crazy at parties! lmao!
More About What I Am Looking For: I am very adventurous in bed and you should be too. Bondage and domination are very cool (did you see that movie, "Secretary?" That is totally my life!), but I don't want you to cause me pain. However, I would like to cause you pain if possible. You must be 420-friendly and have a fetish for prosthetic vaginas. Bulimia a plus.
Interests: self-mutilation, fighting wars on the cheap, tricking internatinal spies to fall into my shark tank, global domination, regional domination, municipal domination, necrophilia, menage a trois corpses, stabbing

Previous Personals: Hot_Prez46, Dick_inyoface


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