Wednesday, January 04, 2006

What to Do With 5,736 Iraqi Corpses

According to this story from Reuters:
Nearly 6,000 Iraqi civilians, police and troops were killed in violence last year...Of the 5,736 dead, 4,020 were civilians, 1,241 police officers, and 475 were Iraqi soldiers...
In defense of the US, most of those people were probably killed by other Iraqis or miscellaneous zealots, not that it alters the blame for the whole situation much...but that's for another discussion. This is a HAPPY POST, DAMNIT!!!

Dick Cheney's old cronies at Halliburton (and subsidiaries) handle a lot of the logistics over there, and must be scratching their heads over what to do with all these corpses they have piling up. Here are a few ideas:
  • Use chunkier torsos to plug holes in oil pipelines hit by terrorists.
  • Bury them for a million years until they become petroleum. Use the oil to run a Hummer H-5003 for six seconds.
  • Chop the corpses into 300 million pieces and mail them to Americans as a tax refund.
  • New roof for the Superdome. Go Saints!
  • Use them to dam the Tigris river to create Wet 'N Wild Over Baghdad Waterpark. Attractions include the Burqa-Only Wave Pool, the Saddaminator, and Typhoon Plummet With Explosions.
  • Iraqischnitzel!
  • Preserve using plastination and use as seat fillers at speeches given by Bush, since nobody shows up anymore unless forced by their military superiors.
  • Dog food.
  • Sell them in Texas as hood ornaments. Use the proceeds to hurt animals in some way.
  • Clone all 5,736 for the biggest bi-sexual harem ever created. Have sex with them but pretend you're not gay.
  • Pack into world's largest coffee maker. Press switch to "ON." Allow to run until percolation stops. Mix with cream, milk, or sugar to taste. Serve. Barf. Repeat.
Have an idea? Submit it under "Comments." I'll be sure to send it along to Halliburton. They could use the help since they don't have anyone as competent and trustworthy as Dick Cheney working there anymore.

Author's Note: I am fully aware of how disgusting and insensitive this post is. It's called parody. See my post yesterday on The Tao of Parody. If you are Iraqi, however, you're probably right to want to kill me.

(PS: does it strike anyone as weird that you only get 64 hits when you type "iraq" and "corpse" into Google image search? Shouldn't there be a whole lot more?)

1 Comments:

At 11:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

no time to register, just got to say k-fed comment at superficial very good.

 

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