Monday, January 09, 2006

Tom Delay Tried to Kill Me With an Outboard

Tom Delay and I sat far offshore in a small dinghy. He brazenly displayed an impressive mane of chest hair which sparkled in the mid-day sun, while working the outboard engine back and forth. Suddenly, my friend, who was also onboard, attacked Delay with an M-60, but failed to overpower him. The two decided to turn against me instead, and I was knocked overboard. They fired the machine gun into the water but were unable to score a hit, and my friend fell into the water. As we grappled with one another beneath the surface, Tom Delay tried to run me down with the outboard propeller, but missed and hit my friend on the top of his head. I grabbed the M-60 and shot my friend to pieces. That's all I remember.

When I was a kid I wondered if the people you were dreaming about were concurrently dreaming about you. Now I am convinced. This dream I had proves the certain evil of Tom Delay. I ask to be called as a witness to the grand jury that will try to send him to buttfuck prison.

For those of you who do not live in the US, or who live in the US but don't read, or who live in the US and read but only read stop signs, Tom Delay was, until a few days ago, the leader of the Republican party in the House of Representatives (the equivalent of your Parliament, Assembly, or Council of the Valleys if you're in Angola). He has spent his career there successfully stealing from the poor to give to the rich, like a reverse Robin Hood or Errol Flynn with no penis instead of a giant penis. But he got busted and it makes me happy. Here's to a gigantic black penis exploding in your ass, Tom. And here's another one in your eye for trying to kill me.


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