Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Nerve Personals

"i alwaze uze the nuculer option"

59 year old man in Washington D.C., United States

Occupation: President of the United States
Looking for: Other Presidents of the United States
Ethnicity: Caucasian-American
Education: MBA, Harvard University
Languages: None
Cigarettes: Never
Alcohol: Officially, never.
Drugs: COKE! COKE! DELICIOUS COCAINE!!! Also crystal meth.
Body Art: Kingpin

My Most Humbling Moment: Trying to remember my oath of office
If I Had a Million Dollars: I already have, like, a gajillion dollars. If i only had a million I'd have to go on welfare or something.
Five Items I Can't Live Without: Pharmesootical kickbacks, Jesus Christ's forgiveness, the abortion issue, satin sheets, Karl Rove
In My Bedroom You Will Find: a bed, a Texas Rangers ballcap, an unused bottle of astroglide, my frigid wife, five Iraqi slave girls, totally awesome skull pile
Why You Should Get to Know Me: god I never know what to write in these things. So basically I'm the president, so I get to kill anybody I want. My friends think I'm really funny, though. I'm very honest and caring as long as your white and give regularly to the GOP. I'm just a normal, fun-loving guy who knows how to relax and attempt to take over the world. I also like to just stay at home, rent a movie, and feast on the blood and flesh of living terrorist detainees.
More About What I Am Looking For: Dick Cheney's brains in Condi's body, except with bigger tits, and not black. I'd also like a girl who can explain what the geneva conventions are.
Interests: not answering any more questions, a Christian republic in the middle east, ownership societies, killing all brown people, pretending I'm a rancher, wiretapping without a court order, American Idol, bondage/domination, suckering the military into doing really stupid shit (lol), appointing incompetant cronies, torture, murder, sleeping in late


At 8:34 AM, Blogger Shawn said...

LMAO! It's funny because it's true. Dick Cheney's brains in Condi's body. LOL!

At 3:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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