Monday, December 12, 2005

The State of Humor - Unfunny Animals

As America's top supergenius and foremost humorist, it is my duty to report to my unfunny readers on what is and is not funny.

Today I look at animals. Animals are often used to create quick, inexpensive, passing jokes. Unfortunately, amateur humorists (and sadly, many professionals) continue to utilize outdated and overused animal types in their work, believing them still to be funny. Emus, wombats, and yaks top the list of animals that long ago stopped being funny.

But no animal can compete with the king of the "funny" animals, the monkey. No animal in history, save for perhaps the yellow-bellied sapsucker, has been so overplayed in popular culture. While their similarity and relationship to humans make them an easy target, the result of this overexposure is that monkeys are now not only unfunny, they are as depressing as yaks, and in the case of many varieties of monkey, are near extinction, like the yellow-bellied sapsucker.

To combat this, I have prepared three lists: the first contains animals that once were, but no longer are, funny; the second contains animals that are almost NEVER funny; the third contains animals that, based on my superior intellect, I deem to be currently funny. Henceforth please use animals from the third list, not the first two, when trying to be clever and amusing, otherwise you'll look like a stupid goat.







Not FunnyNever FunnyFunny
alpacas
amoeba
anteaters
antelopes
beavers
condors
cows
dingos
donkeys
duckbill platypus
emus
gazelles
goats
gorillas
hippopotamus
llamas
mongooses
monkeys
moose
penguins
sea monkeys
wombats
yaks
yellow-bellied sapsuckers

bats
bears
cheetahs
deer
elephants
giraffes
horses
lions
rabbits
rats
tigers
whales
wolves
zebras
alligators
bison
flounders
hagfish
hedgehogs
kangaroos
lobsters
manatees
mules
opossums
polecats
puffins
sea slugs
shrews
sloths
tuna
voles
walruses
weasels
wolverines
[Late update: upon further review, goats have been removed from the "funny" list and moved to the "not funny" list]
[Late update 2: "Sea monkeys" added to unfunny list]

2 Comments:

At 4:28 PM, Blogger ..Fonzo.. said...

At risk of being MOST irksome, people do laugh at my occasional mongoose jokes, so either the lists here arnt flawless OR..and I am prepared to admit this..I have very simple friends.

Yes. in fact, the latter is fairly likely.

 
At 5:52 PM, Blogger Christopher said...

Try substituting in one of the animals from the "funny" list, and you're almost guaranteed to get laid. Nothing says "sex me up" like polecat humor.

 

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