Thursday, December 08, 2005

A Modern US Torture Policy

The use of torture by US military, para-military, and other forces abroad has been a hot subject ever since the Abu Ghraib photos were unleashed on the world. The argument is very multi-faceted. One side says the US never tortures (George W. Bush, Condi Rice); one side wants to make absolutely sure torture is outlawed (Sen. John McCain); one side says we don't torture, but it's okay if others do (Donald Rumsfeld); one side says torturing is okay for certain branches of the government (Dick Cheney); one side thinks only US soldiers should be allowed to torture, but nobody else (US military personnel); one side isn't paying much attention (US citizens); and one side claims the US tortures as a matter of policy (everybody else in the world).

Yet solving this complicated problem is remarkably simple, but not in a way you might think. It can be solved merely by changing the language used. The Geneva Conventions are clear about torture, but they say very little about BDSM. The switch is subtle, but the effects would be great. Torture is, of course, an abomination upon mankind; but BDSM, on the other hand, is kinky.

With BDSM, burning with cigarettes and attaching their genitals to car batteries would not be abusive and painful, but a turn-on.

What may surprise you even more is that there is already an infrastructure in place in this country and abroad to support such a change. The "torture" devices are already mass-produced and sold by respected government contracters, such as Extreme Restraints of Huntington Beach, California.

Spanking Benches, Floggers, Electrosex Plugs, Electrosex Penis Bands, Ball Stretchers, and Cock and Ball Pillories could all be employed to retrieve sensitive intelligence from captured terrorists and combatants without violating the Geneva Conventions. Erotic spankings, erotic bondage, erotic nipple clamping, and erotic ball-crushing can all be used within the confines of the law, so long as they are erotic. Regulation of military and para-military BDSM practices can be achieved by an oversight committee composed entirely of Republican members of Congress, who can view video of the practices privately in their own chambers. This is, of course, what they wanted anyway.



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